Drama is what fuels the highschool kids.

This and that, this and that, this and that

he said, she said, all of that nonsense

It sends my head for a loop

Especially since I have not dealt with that amount of immaturity since ohhhhh probably about the 9th grade

Friends wanting other friends to choose them over someone else

It is probably the shittiest situation one can think of

and its not even equivalent to highschool drama

its like.........middle school drama

Eff whats each of us to stop talking to the infamous Ess.

Personally, I have no beef with Ess

I do see how she can be manipulative, and selfish, but hey take the good with the bad, right?

Of course I am more fond of Eff because he has been around longer, I have a better connection with him and hell!

He has kept me from killing myself on several occassions and has been a wonderful friend

but the route of selfishness he has taken is a little off putting.

What if I chose Ess over him? 

Would he toss me out like yesterday's trash?

Perhaps that is how deep he lets friendships go, just deep enough to be thrown away if not lived up to the standards that were set for them.

I cannot say that I judge him for taking this selfish and immature route of attack though.

When I was in the same situation, it truly drove me mad that my friends would hang out with Pup more than they would hang out with me.

My friends

I had truly wanted to ask them to take a side and I deeply regret not doing so infact.

Because nearly all the friends who I thought would choose my side in the beginning and stick with my til the end.

Were eventually persuaded to his saintly savior-ness 

While the feeling of alienation grew.

So I ended up with no friends from the old days as a result

perhaps there are one or two who stayed, but they were never really involved in the situation anyhow.

So that is a little depressing fact.

That if I had acted on my immaturity, then I probably would have ended up with more friends to rely on

Lord knows I needed it as well

Maybe i wouldntve ended up in the hospital again?

Who knows.

But the ending verdict is that I am slightly obligated to take his side

and I hate it.

I hate understanding his side more than hers

It makes me feel like such a horrible person

because under normal circumstances, I would rather back away and lose both friends

At least that way it would be fair

And I hate hurting people, no matter how much "wrong" they did to one of my close friends

Two wrongs dont make a right

I suppose I am not going to chase her away, but perhaps act a little more distant and alienated towards Ess

I can only hope that things will cool down eventually so that I can freely hang out with either one of them without emotional issues getting involved

It pains me because I promised her

and I am never one to break promises

But unfortunately I have to rely in Eff for quite a few things

emotional and material, and chasing them both off at this point would be unwise.

Oh well.......

I suppose the most important thing is that

I Love You Both

and the emotional aspect of things will never change despite the physical actions

No matter how much you guys end up hating each other

*sigh*