Why I Endlessly Look?

For a long time now, this empty feeling has been eating up all my insides

Just like the plague.

I constantly ask myself.

What exactly is it that I am looking for?

I mean, everyone has that dream of "happily ever after" with that one "true love"

Does that even exist?

On some days I believe in that very strongly

Other days I think its the greatest lie and conspiracy created by man.

In all honesty, who the fuck would love me?

Not to say that I think I am incapable of being loved but rather who would I love that would love me in return.

Without all the drama

Without another girl constantly getting in the way

Without the jealousy

Without the gut wrenching pain of doubt

While containing ones self

While not having to change any "flaw" in your personality

Without the judgments of who you are

Of Who I Am 

A couple of close friends said jokingly once that anybody who would date me is screwed up in the head.

Of course I took it as a joke.

But it does ring quite a bit of truth.

I mean, its not insulting in the least,

Since I doubt that I would even be able to uphold a conversation with someone who wasn't damaged.

But is that what I am really destined for? Someone who will no doubt be of some sort of trouble.

Like Me....?

But what I do NOT understand is that I am not and incredibly picky girl.

There are alot of traits in a person that I am attracted to.

But there has yet to be a person who fits the description of what I am really looking for.

But he has to exist out there somewhere....

Doesn't he?

Maybe not at the moment....

Maybe Never.

Emilie Autumn Inspired

I suppose I am always inspired by her in many many ways.

Emilie Autumn

For those of you who do not know who she is I suggest you go educate yourself of her ways and her mystifying music.

This is Queen of the Plague Rat

Ah so very amazing isnt she?

Why yes, yes she is

Anyhow I made a makeup tutorial inspired by her

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQVrl-H_b5A

I suggest you go watch it. 

It is not the greatest, but then again,

Who would expect something great from a mentally unstable person

I know I sure as Hell would not!

;)

Is It Really So Horrid, Being Insane That is?

Insanity

Insane

I find it rather funny and ironic that the word "Insane"

consists of this

In-Sane

So in that case the insane are the sane and vice versa

well that makes So much more sense now that I think about it (Yes, yes, I do realize that this is still coming from an insane person nonetheless and should probably be taken lightly...or in sarcastic measures at the very least)

Just a random thought for the brain I thought I should add to the page.

It is suiting, don't you think?

And so the Journey Shall Begin

I suppose I should start off with an introductory sentence, statement, thought, well...

Here we go

Are you ready?

Well I suppose you are not, but that is not my fault now is it?

Try to at very least be prepared for some mind fucking then.

First and foremost

Some general ground rules about what is exactly going on here! Hooray!

1. This so called "blog" (what does that even mean? Does it stand for something?) is used for my personal purposes in hopes to keep my sanity to some extent (although anyone who knows me or even of me deems that an absolute impossibility.) 
2. These written words will undoubtedly contain mature content. You know, those little things like blood, and violence, cursing, sensitive topics, (mostly religion, not the bashing of but merely the discussion of it) sexuality probably a whole heaping load of it, (oh, you are interested now aren't you?) and much much more fun "stuff". So not for the faint hearted.
3. I am going to say it now, I will not tell a single fucking lie on here. Everyone says that, so I know its hard to believe in but try to bare with me here and rely in a complete stranger for once in your life. It will be fun. Trust me. I may exaggerate as I am indeed human and that is what action we commit in order to get across how the truth actually feels inside of us. It is, after all, all about the imagery. (heh)

4.   This will contain the very interiors of my mind, furniture and all. Why am I deciding to share it? Well there are many reasons and I imagine anyone who has time to read this will be somewhat intelligent and be able to pick up on these partially disgusting reasons with time (why disgusting? I am not sure, all I know is that I need a new interior designer, it is much too cramped in here...)

With that being said. 

I am overly sarcastic and everything I say should be taken lightly. I am here for your entertainment after all.

(No, no, not like that, perv.)

5. Do I have a point to this? Do I ever? Most anyone who knows me would say I do not

But I suppose most of my point of this is to drag in some unsuspecting, unfortunate reader. Do we all dream that some random publisher will read our blogs (once again, what in the hell does that even mean?) and so we can live the "good life" and not have a care in the world any longer? Well the answer to that is yes. Do I expect that? Ha! Not in the least. I would like to try to maintain what little sanity I have left and so I shall attempt this by a journal of sorts. Maybe I will touch someones heart? (ooh gooey) and find someone to relate to when in comes to nonsensical madness? Well, one can only hope.

But I promise

I am doing nothing but putting my heart and soul into this. 

You have a heart? A SOUL???

Yes, yes. Shocking isn't it.

So.

By this time I imagine whoever has the time of day to read this is wondering what the point is.

Well I shall indeed tell you what the point is.

One

Mentally unstable people are very fun! It is essential to your life that you know at least one demented fuck up of a person intimately. I guarantee it essential to your health. You will simply drop dead without it. No joke. And its not a pretty sight either

People dropping dead out of the blue

Honestly a very tragic tale, just boom! Oops. Dead. Fun stuff.

(but then again I suppose this would solve the overpopulation problem.)

Anyhow

Two

I had a point.....

I forgot. But I suppose I should prepare any reader for that now.

 My mind turns off at random, uncomfortable and embarrassing points of time.

But it spices things up a bit so I am really not complaining.

Three

If there is someone who I can help or can help me well then. That just makes everything wonderful now doesn't it! (no sarcasm I swear)

ooooh fun! Something completely serious! Well what is the point in that dammit!

And those are all the points I can come up with at the moment.

I know, I am just so damn creative and original!

It could almost be considered blasphemy!

Yes, yes, blasphemy

It is indeed a fun word to say! 

Come on now say it with me now! (yes I am a pep rally leader all of a sudden)

BLASPHEMY

Well I am Le Tired as of right now and I will start my blogging adventures

Tommorrow!

(yes I realize it is spelled wrong get over it)

So until further notice. This has been an evening news report from yours truly

(oh wait you dont even know who I am yet....)

Well then...

This has been an evening blasphemy report from the interiors of a schizophrenic mind 

brought to you by yours truly on the nineteenth evening of September, two years from the pandemic,

Kitty