Today!
Today has been filled with many many thoughts. Some deceiving, some depressing and others are just along the lines of relieving. But none the less, they are thoughts, filled with emotions and captured memories from the past, the present, and the future remains an anxiety to be discovered.
Main focus of today is that of thoughts and visions a little less normal than my usual collection of antics.
For example.
I was driving home the other night at a not-so-late, yet not-so-early hour, whilst attempting to keep my sanity, For you see, there are some days where that is utterly and completely lost and I am barely able to grasp on to the normal perceptions of this reality. In attempting to keep my sanity, things started changing..... Appearing and morphing right before my very eyes. I nearly swerved off the freeway because I was looking towards the empty road in front of me and realized that I was running over bats! Lots of fluttering bats!
It came as such a shock to me that so many bats, thousands of bats, would be lying in the middle of the road! After almost swerving from shock and my sworn physical feeling towards the crushing of bats underneath my tires, I began to realize that the bats attempted to flutter away in the shape that my headlights made on the dark road ahead of me. About a minute after this bizarre realization, I had another yet even more bizarre realization. That the bats were never there. That the thousands of bats fluttering before my eyes was merely the result of my deceiving eyes playing ticks of me, because the bats were in fact, just the beams of my headlights penetrating the lonely darkness in front of me.
About yet another minute after this bizarre realization, another even more bizarre realization occurred. That this ladder of delusions and realizations should have taken at the very least five whole minutes. But the fact of the matter is that when I checked the time in my cars bright blue stereo clock....that very minute had not changed! It was the same! I was in such tremors from the whole event that I needed to pull over to the side of the road for a minute and think.
"Was I possibly drugged? Well, thats silly I was with someone who dearly loves me!....could I be massively sleep deprived?........well I have been getting less sleep than usual, but nothing to cause something so eventful! 7hours last night...."
I was in such a panic that I began to tear up, smearing the once lovely blue and black eyeliner I had put on so delicately... With less than a couple of miles of road ahead of me though, I decided to continue on my, now eventful, journey home.
Am I losing it? Officially? All that family history finally getting to me?
Well anyhow. I shall write more later but at the moment I am having many flashbacks of a very dark and dreary time in my life.
These lyrics are best suited to that time. To my mind set at the moment.
Well. Off to class!
I want my innocence back
And if you can't give it to me
I will cut you down
And I will run you through
With the dagger you sharpened
On my body and soul
Before you slit me in two
And then devoured me whole
I want my innocence back
I want my innocence back
I want my innocence back
I want my innocence back
And if you can't pacify me
I will break your bones
You think I'm bluffing, just try me (just try me)
I will never forget the words you used to ensnare me
Till my dying day
You'll suffer for this, I swear (I swear)
I want my innocence back
I want my innocence back
I want my innocence back
(I want my innocence back)
And I demand
You put my heart back in my hand
And wipe it clean
From the mess you made of me
And I require
You make me free from this desire
And when you leave, I'd better be the innocent
I used to be
I want my innocence back!
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