To risk it, or not to risk it? That is the question...

Those of you who have been emotionally trampled on be a relationship that did not work out will understand this

One starts to put up walls

One becomes paranoid of a persons intentions and what their actions consist of once you turn your back.

It becomes harder to let people in, and you start destroying the long friendships you have had

Just because someone hurt you so bad that your trust is a shattered reflection of self.

People you should logically let into your life

Simply cannot be any accepted behind the stone walls after they have been built.

Or perhaps that is just the case with me?

heh I tend to be odd like that

Anyhow. 

The point being is that my emotional response towards attraction

towards the whole butterflies in your stomach when you see someone type of thing is extremely muted and delayed

A person I would most definitely feel this for under normal circumstances.

I find liking as a person,

But not in any other form.

Even though the feelings SHOULD be there and logically speaking

Liking this person SHOULD be "good" for me

I have been single for almost 6 months now. 

And it is ABOUT FREAKING FINALLY that these feeling start coming back for someone

Note: Although I have been single for 6 months my last relationship was more of a "filler" relationship so that my mind could be taken off someone else. So technically speaking I haven't been in a relationship that I would consider serious for about a year now. Nor have I had those types of feelings for a person since well...

The guy I was engaged to for God knows how long.

And although it is a slow process and a very scary process my feelings are starting to show again, and not superficially.

For once im not clinging onto a person for dear life because of not being able to stand the thought of being alone

I really feel as if I have made progress in my individuality because I do not feel like I "need" this new person at all but merely enjoy being around.

I have not found myself absolutely swooning over this person but he has been on my mind more often than not and I think that would be a pretty obvious sign.

Alas,

We are "dating" but of course nothing serious and that has been made all well and clear

I really dont want to feel trapped and he knows that very well and has been very understanding in my complexities which I cannot thank him enough for.

Of course I am not holding very high expectations because I do not want to get my hopes up and end up hurt again.

But I do hope that I can continue feeling less robotic and a little more emotional towards relationships.

I do not know where the hell this is headed but I know it will be chaotic.

In a good way of course

:)