Life of a Mentally Unstable Creature: Laughter is the Best Medicine

Finally!

A break!

A Winter Break!

Where I can sleep in, clean, create, laugh, and be mostly stress free.
Last night was one of the first nights I had been out and about in a very long time.

I wasn't going to go out; my anxiety was starting to become too much for me to handle.

But then I had my new friend talk to me and talk me through my anxiety.

Some people just click in helping each other

and for the past couple of weeks, she has been my savior, my light at the end of the tunnel when my Pup can't be there
(which is something he is extremely happy about, I hope a bit of weight has been taken off his shoulders)

After some events that were too dramatic for my taste, she sent me a message that made me cry.

"Hey Jessica, Gosh I don't know where to begin

I had a really sad dream about you last night...you were so upset, and there was this darkness around you..I was standing in front of you, and suddenly out of nowhere, this big beautiful blue butterfly flew in my face and got caught in my bangs and then just idled there, tangled in my hair, but somehow it seemed content. We started to giggle and were so amazed at the randomness! (probably influenced by how we met haha) So as the butterfly was just chillen in my hair, you started to take pictures of it and your aura started to glow bright white, then you had this big beautiful smile in the end.. I found this interpretation of a butterfly on dreammoods.com Butterfly

To see a butterfly in your dream denotes your need to settle down.�Butterflies signify creativity, romance, joy and spirituality. You may be experiencing a transformation into a new way of thinking.�Or you may be undergoing a transitional phase. Consider the term "social butterfly" to describe someone who is popular and outgoing. Does this describe you? Perhaps you need to be more outgoing. Alternatively, the butterfly is symbolic of longevity Idk where I'm really going with all of this or why I feel compelled to express how I feel verbatim. I just think there's something bigger than you and I can comprehend just yet....

I gather from the coincidentall and remarkable prospect we have to look forward to has the potential to be extroadinary and unique. After you told me that your ex left some of your belongings at your doorstep, I immediately felt my past hit me like a ton of bricks

I know what it's like going through that Jess, and I'm sorry it brought you down so low

We have what seems like so much in common and have been through many similar experiences, and I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to come to me. I know we don't know each other that well at all, but for some reason, a part of me feels like I should be a protector. I hate seeing such a beauty be shattered with sadness and confusion. And a friend, because we have such a great chemistry and I can tell you are a genuine soul.

You are such a beautiful person Jessica, and you deserve nothing but the best. You are a genuine and kind woman and you have had your fair share of devestating experiences but still manage to bear a smile and keep trying. I have a strong feeling that deep down inside you are a lot like me...I didn't have the best relationships with my family members as I sort of explained to you, and it really has effected me negatively. I've only been able to deal with it and somehow overcome it all, even when people outside my family have hurt me and damaged my spirit. But it took me many years, and many tears. I've been depressed, suicidal, angry, violent, the list goes on.... Wow, I really have opend up..eek! But I just feel like I can tell you anything, and you can identify and not judge me. *hugs* I hope I am not overwhelming you with all of this. I was just really down because you were and then the dream, and then my mind just...goes...lol i tend to overthink and analyze wayyyy too much, but sometimes I like to. Anyway hun I hope you're okay, and if you need time and space, I completely understand..

After all the anxiety, she reminded me of the butterfly that she dreamed of and gently gave me a push in the right direction, saying that I needed to go out and just have fun.

And so I did.

And nothing could have brought me down and nothing did bring me down.

I haven't danced like that in years, and most of the time that dancing was just me by myself in my room listening to music.
They even threw me in the middle of a dance circle at one point and for once I felt perfectly confident to just

"Go for it"
Granted there was some *cough* liquid courage *cough* involved,

but by the time we even got into the bar, I was sober.
Cairn really brought me out of my shell that night and showed the world a person that is always there, but just not confident enough in herself to come out.

It takes a special type of person to do something like that I think

(and of course she's a bit "odd and out there", having been a go-go dancer for the bar for a few years)

We danced, cuddled for warmth, talked to the people she knew there and best of all, we just didn't stop laughing.
All my life, I have felt extremely uncomfortable with having close friends who are girls.

"chicks follow dicks"

as my best friend so eloquently put it, stating that most girls will sub-consciously defend a guy she's fucking before she defends the best girl friend she's known for years

or not even a guy she's fucking, but moreso just any guy with whom she has some slight feeling towards and sell out all the rest; all the rest of us who had been supportive and loving.

As my close friend Sammi and I sat in front of the fireplace, watching a spider's every move, and just ranting and talking about how stupid life can be and how stupid the people in it are sometimes

I realized that the truth in her words, meant that she would never sell me out or let harmful things be said of me.

This chick follows no dick! Haha.

She always follows what she thinks is right, and is always filled with nothing but good intention for everyone.
She left saying

"This was like therapy! We have to do it more often"

And I couldn't agree more.
I don't know why it clicked for me just the other night out of the year and a half we have known each other,

but our brains do run along the same wavelength in many issues, insecurities, and views of the world.

I think it may be because she and I have for the most part, never sat down with each other and just talked

without anyone else involved

and especially, without any guys involved.

As I was talking to my best friend Edie, the next night

(whom I know has always been NOT your average girl)

She very dutifully reminded me of the Psychic Vampires discussed in the Satanic bible and how they only live with longevity if you provide them with their life source.
She gives me strength in the most unusual of words and logic.
You should be a nice person, but you shouldn't always provide people with what they want if it will only cause harm to yourself.
She became a bit frustrated though, with not understanding how I let so many people just walk over me.

Quite frankly, I don't understand it myself.

Sacrificial lamb complex I suppose.
I'll sacrifice my good feelings and happiness for your happiness

but she really pointed out to me that only provides fuel to the fire for negative empaths and psychic vampires, and provides me with shortened longevity in friendships and relationships.
And then there's Cairn.

The combination of these girls' advice this past couple of weeks really clicked for me and came together last night while I was dancing my heart out.
I think they collectively gave me the strength to just be happy for once, and not worry about problems that really don't involve me anymore.